See THAT? Yeah. I blame THAT.

1

I just bought THOSE, and after eating the ones off of the top, we found THAT.

2

I decided to take them back to Costco since I’d be in the area. But I forgot those. Went to Costco anyway to grab a couple things. On my way in, I saw THAT.

3

For $70 less than I just paid for the same thing! I was mad. But oh well. Continued my shopping and went to grab the bare minimum as planned. Starting with THOSE.

4

And THOSE.

5

And THOSE.

6

When I got to the water, I saw THAT. And was like, “really people?”

7

And when I got to the blueberries, I saw THOSE! And I was like, “really people?”

8

And then I saw THOSE. Right next to the pesticide and fertilizer. And I was like, “really people?”

9

Then I saw HER. And felt like a jerk because I didn’t want her tortilla chips even after she offered so nicely.

10

And then I saw THAT! And I was like, “really people? really?!”

11

Then I saw THOSE. And I had a moment of mourning for my fat days past.

12

And then I saw HER. And I hurried and pretended I didn’t so that I didn’t get caught in conversation because I kind of barely know her.

13

Then I saw THOSE. And I was like, “I didn’t want to eat my bananas this month anyway.”

14

Then I saw THOSE. And was like. Which f*****g apples taste best when there are so many kinds? I was overwhelmed and thought curse words.

15

Then I saw THOSE. And remembered my moldy strawberries at home. And got annoyed all over again that I forgot them. And I got some new ones anyway.

16

Then I saw THOSE and got excited because Noah’s and my favorite new tradition is cutting them in half and eating out of them like bowls.

17

Then I saw THOSE. And put one in my cart. And then put it back because I knew it would be dead by June.

18

Then I saw THOSE. And suddenly I felt like my existing batteries were crap because they weren’t red and black.

19

Then I saw THIS. And I almost bought it. But then I thought about how much work it would be to fill the frames. And I was lazy and didn’t.

20

Then I saw THAT. And I felt guilty because I bought one of THOSE two months ago and haven’t worn it yet.

21

Then I saw THOSE. And I didn’t need THOSE. But I bought THOSE because… NEW COLORS!

22

Then I saw THOSE. And I almost bought those. But then I decided to go home and wash my laundry instead. Because I have plenty of THOSE.

23

Then I saw THOSE. And I bought some. Because they’re ridiculously good.

24

Then I saw THOSE. And I thought about buying some. Just to look like Jack-Freaking-Awesome. I didn’t though. Because they had a three year expiration date and I knew I’d never make it even halfway down the tin by then.

25

At checkout, I looked in my cart and saw THOSE. Why did I get THOSE? And when did I get THOSE? And why did I get so many of THOSE? Well. You can’t have too many of THOSE. Can we all agree on that?

26

There were drops of water on the conveyer belt, so I stacked THOSE on top of THOSE to keep them all dry and clean.

27

When I went to leave the store, I saw THAT. Rain. It was sunny when I got there!

28

I couldn’t remember where I parked. I walked around in the rain a lot. Then I remembered. It was THERE!

29

But it wasn’t THERE.

30

Oh, it is over THERE!

31

 

I’m so glad I stacked THOSE on top of the granola bars when checking out so that they didn’t get wet.

32

Since it was raining, I pulled one of THOSE with my cart. Something I don’t usually do. But wet times call for wet measures.

33

Before I drove away, I looked at my receipt and saw THAT. What the heck? I went in for water and blueberries and sandwiches.

34

I blame THAT. It’s all THAT’S fault.

35

Then I took them out to throw them out, and I saw THAT. A poor little spider hanging onto the raising garage door for dear life, blowing back and forth in the wind and rain. And I realized…

36

THAT…

37

Is not so bad. My life is good. Even with THAT kind of stuff going on once in a while.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

Originally published on the Single Dad Laughing blog.