Here I am. 37. Going on 38. And I don’t have a girlfriend.

What could I be doing wrong?

Obviously something.

And knowing that, I went back to Instagram, my favorite place to learn how to be an #AwesomePerson. From within the app, I did a quick search for my favorite tag that I just knew would give me endless inspiration.


I mean… why not take tips from the best of the #BEST? I’m going to do ALL these things so that I, too, can have an awesome girlfriend calling me the best boyfriend ever… On Instagram.

Here they are. 30 excellent tips and tricks:

How to be the #BESTBoyfriendEver (According to Instagram)

#1: Help her stay awake while you talk about yourself…

#2: Let her know when pooping makes you sad.

#3: Do yourself up all pretty once in a while.

#4: Always find a way to be on her same level.

#5: Help her start working toward a massive heart attack.

#6: And if that doesn’t work, quintuple your efforts.

#7: Did I mention that sad poop pics really work!

#8: And if they don’t… GUNS! Just make sure you don’t make a creepy face or anything. #SomeoneDialthePoPo! @cooby2516, you may wanna get out of there, QUICK!

#9: Do it. For everyone to see.

#10: Be all sportsy and stuff.